I think most people who know us well, would know we have been an "open book" regarding our struggle with infertility. As we stood before some 250 friends and family on our wedding day, I never gave a bit of thought to the times that we would share things less wonderful than that lovely day. Some 11 years later, "life" has happened.
The story of how we went from hopeful parents to being ready to say goodbye to one another has not been shared with many. In summary, I found out I was pregnant in early March 2006. We were over the moon, and anticipated a lovely evening with my parents where we planned to share our news, and continue with telling Matt's folks the next day along with our siblings. At Pizza Hut in Broken Bow NE, we had just told my parents when I was quickly stricken with a bizarre and violent illness. For 3 days my husband laid on the floor near me to care for me as I was violently ill and would lose consciousness. A nurse kept assuring Matt that I must have some sort of flu in combination with morning sickness. On the third day, I had had enough and my husband drug me to the back of the SUV and raced to the ER. The staff called my OB and a simple ultrasound and BP check told him I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy. They cut my clothes off, and told my hubby I would be dead in less than 20 mins if they didn't operate. We were instructed to say "good bye" just in case and I was raced down the hall. The OR staff didnt even put on their scrubs. :)
Upon awaking in the recovery room, I noticed my hubby standing in there. Thought it strange they would let him come back. I asked for a drink of water, already feeling much better. After that I took his hand, and I asked "Where is Grandma?" He frowned at me and said "What are you talking about? Your folks and mine are here, thats it." "No" I replied. "Where is my Grandma Schmidt?"
I am a bible believing, God fearing woman. I do not fully understand all of life's mysteries. But, on that day I will tell you that my Grandma Schmidt sat next to me in the OR at Mary Lanning Memorial Hospital. My Grandma passed away some two years before my surgery. While the content of that full experience is private and has been only shared with my husband, I can tell you what it means to me.
I believe God was using my grandma to let me know he had a bigger plan for my life, just as he had a plan for each of yours. While my fertility was taken away, and my life nearly ended...it gave me great cause. Yes, we received the miraculous news that we were pregnant and gave birth to our daughter 4 years ago this week. Beyond that, it has allowed me to do what I can to minister to those who struggle with infertility and loss. I have been able to be an advocate for those who have questions and struggles and need a place to "talk". Additionally, I have become more of a staunch pro-lifer. I have become more vocal about the importance of family, I have strengthened my Christian faith, and now I am an adoption advocate.
Every person I know has some sort of "event" in their life that puts a new perspective into sharp focus. Our family has been through an additional one these past six months after the loss of my grandma. While we all struggle to understand why we must endure pain when these events occur, we can only resolve that with pain comes great clarity. I believe that God uses divine intervention to help us gain these new perspectives, especially for those of us who are stubborn and need that extra little push. I have stopped believing in coincidences, and have given it all to God.
For this reason, as we are now officially on the "list" to adopt, I can only pass the time until our little one comes by giving it all to God. I am so thankful that we have a savior to shoulder our human burdens. It is no coincidence that He would do this for us. It was promised to us so long ago, and a few reminders never hurt.
God bless you, and thank you for sharing our journey with us. We would especially like to thank those who have been character references for us, and who have listened intently to our joys and sorrows on this wild ride. Next up, being matched with a birthmother. Stay tuned.
Leah
