Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock

The old saying goes "The watch pot never boils."  Certainly words that are hard to swallow for those who struggle with patience, those like me. :)

Our summer passed very quickly.  After 3 years on the market, our home finally sold.  We spent May and June moving between helping with calving, branding, and planting the crops.  July came and so did the onset of a horrific draught in our part of Nebraska.  August arrived and we found ourselves short on help at the ranch and that required more time/hours to make sure the work was getting done.  Still, in the back of my mind...and during those brief daytime moments at home I wondered...would there be a phone call today?

In July, our adoption agency contacted us to say there had been a large increase in birth mothers seeking their services, and many of those said mothers were pregnant with little boys.  They wanted to be sure we were still looking to adopt a boy, and to be prepared that our "day" could come any time.  I was almost in disbelief that it could happen so quickly, only officially being adoption-ready since April.  As the weeks passed after this phone call, with no communication from the agency, my enthusiasm faded.  It wasn't until September came that I fully realized that there would be no "match" in the summer of 2012.

Several family and friends have inquired recently about our status in the process.  Another old saying "no news is good news" doesn't really apply at this time.  What it means for us is that those mothers pursuing adoption have chosen other couples/families over us.  This is the part of the adoption process that can shake one's confidence to the core.  We had to lay out all the minute details of our lives...from faith to finances and health to personal appearances...our life is an "open book" to these women.  They have photos and written words from us, nothing more.  As the days tick away, its easy to question what information we shared with the agency and wonder why we haven't been a "match" thus far.

Our little Maggie prays for her new "baby" each night and asks almost daily when he will come to us.  She relishes time spent with little babies we know as she "practices" being a big sister.  Sometimes these images of her squeeze my heart so tightly I wonder if I will survive it.  This past year has been especially difficult for my entire family, and has left me with a new definition of "Real family" and has given me new appreciation for my siblings and my relationship with them.  I yearn for the day our baby comes to us and Maggie can call him her "brother".

We are considering entering a relationship with an additional Christian adoption agency in Texas that has impressed us with their ministry to Birth parents and adoptive parents.  Many people work with multiple agencies in hopes of shortening the wait time to be matched.  It is something we are talking and praying about.  In addition to holding onto our faith, we have been encouraged a great deal by three families that have adopted domestically and internationally.  Kayla and Sonya and Amy have een such an inspiration to me as they have shared their stories and advice.  Two of them are also in the process of adopting again, and they give me such hope. :)

So, as we move into fall and try to be patient, we would ask that you pray for us.  That we would remain faithful and lean on God as we await His timing.  As we near the 1st anniversary of my Grandma's death, I am reminded that there is a season, a time, and a purpose to all things, and that as a Christian the best thing I can do it try to live that faith out in my daily life.  Thank you, friends and family who have stood by us through the thick and thin of life.

Coincidence or divine intervention?

I think most people who know us well, would know we have been an "open book" regarding our struggle with infertility.  As we stood before some 250 friends and family on our wedding day, I never gave a bit of thought to the times that we would share things less wonderful than that lovely day.  Some 11 years later, "life" has happened.

The story of how we went from hopeful parents to being ready to say goodbye to one another has not been shared with many.  In summary, I found out I was pregnant in early March 2006.  We were over the moon, and anticipated a lovely evening with my parents where we planned to share our news, and continue with telling Matt's folks the next day along with our siblings.  At Pizza Hut in Broken Bow NE, we had just told my parents when I was quickly stricken with a bizarre and violent illness.  For 3 days my husband laid on the floor near me to care for me as I was violently ill and would lose consciousness.  A nurse kept assuring Matt that I must have some sort of flu in combination with morning sickness.  On the third day, I had had enough and my husband drug me to the back of the SUV and raced to the ER.  The staff called my OB and a simple ultrasound and BP check told him I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy.  They cut my clothes off, and told my hubby I would be dead in less than 20 mins if they didn't operate.  We were instructed to say "good bye" just in case and I was raced down the hall.  The OR staff didnt even put on their scrubs. :)

Upon awaking in the recovery room, I noticed my hubby standing in there.  Thought it strange they would let him come back.  I asked for a drink of water, already feeling much better.  After that I took his hand, and I asked "Where is Grandma?" He frowned at me and said "What are you talking about?  Your folks and mine are here, thats it."  "No" I replied. "Where is my Grandma Schmidt?"

I am a bible believing, God fearing woman.  I do not fully understand all of life's mysteries.  But, on that day I will tell you that my Grandma Schmidt sat next to me in the OR at Mary Lanning Memorial Hospital.  My Grandma passed away some two years before my surgery.  While the content of that full experience is private and has been only shared with my husband, I can tell you what it means to me.

I believe God was using my grandma to let me know he had a bigger plan for my life, just as he had a plan for each of yours.  While my fertility was taken away, and my life nearly ended...it gave me great cause.  Yes, we received the miraculous news that we were pregnant and gave birth to our daughter 4 years ago this week.  Beyond that, it has allowed me to do what I can to minister to those who struggle with infertility and loss.  I have been able to be an advocate for those who have questions and struggles and need a place to "talk".  Additionally, I have become more of a staunch pro-lifer.  I have become more vocal about the importance of family, I have strengthened my Christian faith, and now I am an adoption advocate. 

Every person I know has some sort of "event" in their life that puts a new perspective into sharp focus.  Our family has been through an additional one these past six months after the loss of my grandma.  While we all struggle to understand why we must endure pain when these events occur, we can only resolve that with pain comes great clarity.  I believe that God uses divine intervention to help us gain these new perspectives, especially for those of us who are stubborn and need that extra little push.  I have stopped believing in coincidences, and have given it all to God. 

For this reason, as we are now officially on the "list" to adopt, I can only pass the time until our little one comes by giving it all to God.  I am so thankful that we have a savior to shoulder our human burdens.  It is no coincidence that He would do this for us.  It was promised to us so long ago, and a few reminders never hurt.

God bless you, and thank you for sharing our journey with us.  We would especially like to thank those who have been character references for us, and who have listened intently to our joys and sorrows on this wild ride.  Next up, being matched with a birthmother.  Stay tuned.

Leah

Making a list...and checking it twice...or three times...or four times.

Many people have asked me "what all" must be done to move through the adoption process.  Just looking at the list makes me tired, but thankful that we have moved through it in pretty good time.  Here is an inside look at what all we have done thus far.

1.  Application for Homestudy services and submit payment.
2. NDHHS Adult and Child Protective Services Cental Registry Release Form
3. Release of information consenting to run Sexual registry check on each applicant
4. Release of information for Homestudy agency
5. Signed agreement acknowledging grievance and appeal policies and procedures
6. Homestudy agency consultant service agreement
7. Health information forms for each member of adoptive family completed with family physician
8. Criminal background check (fingerprints for Matt and I)
9. Employer reference form
10. Personal reference forms (3) (includes essay questions our references had to answer)
11. Financial Assets Statement
12. Copy of most recent tax return
13. Copy of Marriage License
14. Copies of birth certificates for applicants
15.  Copies of Social Security Cards for each member of family
16. Official log of required training hours to complete homestudy (10 required hours)
17. Application for Adoption with Bundle of Hope, and submitted application fee
18. Signed and notarized statement of faith completed by Matt and me.. (8 pages of questions)
19. Signed and notarized statement of faith completed by our pastor
20. Signed and notarized disclosure statement provided by adoption agency.
21.  Submission of names of Six additional references to be contacted by adoption agency.
22.. Six hours of homestudy interviews completed by our Homestudy agency and Ms. Barbara

This doesn't include countless hours of research and reading about adoption and asking questions of those in our homestudy agency and adoption agency, as well as the time spent with friends who have adopted.  Happy to say we have completed everything on the above list, and now wait for one more homestudy visit and Ms. Barbara to write our homestudy to submit to Bundle of Hope.  Feeling the need to celebrate coming this far!

What is a family?

Ms. Barbara made herself right a home yesterday when she arrived.  She tossed her jacket, grabbed her notebook and sat down to look directly at us.  Aside from greeting Maggie, the next question was "Well kids, tell me....what is a family?"

A quick flashback to my youth at ages, 5, 15, or 25 revealed an anxious girl ready to raise her hand and quick to give the "right" answer.  Now, at ages 33 and 35, Matt and I had to ponder for awhile.

Is it blood that defines a family?  Loyalty?  Compassion?  Bonds of strengh and character?  Is family any person you have exchanged blood, sweat, and tears with?  How about anyone who stands by your side on the most difficult days of your life?  Is it defined by a person who gave birth to you, or you gave birth to them?  What about marriage, adoption, fostering, taking in someone who has no one else?  Definitions that once seemed so clear, now muddied by tragic events, blessings from people in our lives who do not share our "blood".  Questions that have brought me to my knees in prayer and sobs in the past six months.  I find myself thinking that our God in heaven orchestrated the idea of family, and how we humans have literally "spit" in His face by denying what his words commanded us to do.

While we chose our words to give Barbara and define family, I had to do it through tears.  Tears of happiness and tears of great sorrow.  The burden of my heart is that I feel very disconnected to many in my "family."  Age, geography, difference of opinion, events of the past that I had nothing to do with...events that I may have had something to do with.  Each experience weighing heavily upon me as I look at my own daughter and children to come.  How can I do my part to create more harmony in my family, can it even be accomplished?  How, I will gain new family through adoption, and the joy and fears that come with it.

The only simple answer is that "family" is different for everyone.  There is no one perfect definition, yet it is one of the greatest assets and blessings that any one of us will know in our short time here on earth.  We could not be more thrilled at the idea of adding to our immediate family, and our Maggie at just three years old prays desperately for a brother or sister to have, hold, care for, and love.  A mother's heart could not be more touched by her fervent prayers for a sibling.  She doesn't care that the child may look different than her, because a family is her one and only desire.  Oh, there is so much we could learn from children.  They work out their differences, believe in forgiveness, show so much joy for life and one another.  Their love and zeal for life is so precious, we feel blessed to be gifted the responsibility of caring for it.

Just an inside look at the preliminary paperwork involved with Adoption!

Bundle of Hope Ministries, we are finally home!

At long last, we have prayerfully decided which Adoption agency we will work with.  Bundle of Hope Ministries in Jacksonville, FL is that agency.  We first received a referral to them, and then their name was placed in front of us another time.  Their staff is kind, quick to respond, and most helpful.  They have provided us with resources to learn all about how they minister to birth moms in need, and this just feels right.  Additionally, the state of Florida has a warm place in our hearts.  We know many special people there.

This poem comes from the Bundle of Hope Website.  I think it speaks volumes!

THE LEGACY OF AN ADOPTED CHILD

Once there were two women

Who never knew each other.

One you do not remember,

The other you call Mother.

Two different lives

Shaped to make yours one

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

One gave you your life,

The other taught you how to live it.

One gave you a need for love,

The other was there to give it.

One gave you emotions

The other calmed your fears

One saw your first sweet smile

The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home

That she could not provide.

The other longed for a child,

Her prayers were not denied.

You were born from caring courage,

Nurtured with help from above.

You are the blending, my child
of two different kinds of love.

Home Study...part I

Ahhhhh!  Adoption is o overwhelming, much like parenting.  So much stuff we KNEW we would encounter....and so many surprises.

To begin with, Black children are CHEAPER to adopt than white children.  Disgusting, isn't it?  We have not yet determined which agency we will work with, but this comes up in nearly every private agency we have spoken with.  Such a sad state of affairs in America.  I thought we were past that.  I've been told its a simple "supply and demand" situation, by some.  As if, we were purchasing a car and not adopting a child.  Talk about verbals that make me instantaneously decide who NOT to work with.

Ms. Barbara will be a tremendous resource for us.  She has been doing this since 1983 and is a wealth of knowledge.  Something else to share.  Nebraska has one of the LONGEST waits for adoptive parents.  This is because the number of children waiting to be adopted has fallen to historic lows.  No one knows why, but can speculate that more young ladies have their own parents to help parent children and that the economy has remained strong here, allowing people to "make it" financially.

Next up for us, to begin completion of 10 required hours of study about adoption, to complete some required home safey procedures that have to do with our firearms, and pick an agency.  Waits for babies at this time range from 3-18 months.  We could be placed as early as July, or in late 2013.  Patience is a requirement for this trip!

When we realized that we could be placed as early as July, it shifted our prayers.  Knowing our baby could already be growing in the womb of a special woman that will bless us has directed us to pray for that woman and that baby.  We would appreciate if you would consider doing the same.  Thank you again for your support!
Matt, Leah and Maggie