What is a family?

Ms. Barbara made herself right a home yesterday when she arrived.  She tossed her jacket, grabbed her notebook and sat down to look directly at us.  Aside from greeting Maggie, the next question was "Well kids, tell me....what is a family?"

A quick flashback to my youth at ages, 5, 15, or 25 revealed an anxious girl ready to raise her hand and quick to give the "right" answer.  Now, at ages 33 and 35, Matt and I had to ponder for awhile.

Is it blood that defines a family?  Loyalty?  Compassion?  Bonds of strengh and character?  Is family any person you have exchanged blood, sweat, and tears with?  How about anyone who stands by your side on the most difficult days of your life?  Is it defined by a person who gave birth to you, or you gave birth to them?  What about marriage, adoption, fostering, taking in someone who has no one else?  Definitions that once seemed so clear, now muddied by tragic events, blessings from people in our lives who do not share our "blood".  Questions that have brought me to my knees in prayer and sobs in the past six months.  I find myself thinking that our God in heaven orchestrated the idea of family, and how we humans have literally "spit" in His face by denying what his words commanded us to do.

While we chose our words to give Barbara and define family, I had to do it through tears.  Tears of happiness and tears of great sorrow.  The burden of my heart is that I feel very disconnected to many in my "family."  Age, geography, difference of opinion, events of the past that I had nothing to do with...events that I may have had something to do with.  Each experience weighing heavily upon me as I look at my own daughter and children to come.  How can I do my part to create more harmony in my family, can it even be accomplished?  How, I will gain new family through adoption, and the joy and fears that come with it.

The only simple answer is that "family" is different for everyone.  There is no one perfect definition, yet it is one of the greatest assets and blessings that any one of us will know in our short time here on earth.  We could not be more thrilled at the idea of adding to our immediate family, and our Maggie at just three years old prays desperately for a brother or sister to have, hold, care for, and love.  A mother's heart could not be more touched by her fervent prayers for a sibling.  She doesn't care that the child may look different than her, because a family is her one and only desire.  Oh, there is so much we could learn from children.  They work out their differences, believe in forgiveness, show so much joy for life and one another.  Their love and zeal for life is so precious, we feel blessed to be gifted the responsibility of caring for it.